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Today is April 1st, which means I rolled out of bed this morning and did what I do every time a new month rolls around: blast some Bone Thugs-N-Harmony on repeat.
A tradition unlike any other.
Once that was out of the way, I began my daily journey around the internet to help bring you the content you crave and came across a disproportionate number of stories that seem too weird to be true before realizing the reason why: it’s April Fools’ Day.
Shit.
It’s virtually impossible to navigate the internet on April Fools’ Day without getting Fake Newsed at some point, and while I enjoy a good goof every now and then, there’s only so many pranks I can take before I start to go insane.
As a result, I’ve decided to do everyone a solid by rounding up a bunch of April Fools’ Day stunts so you don’t look like an idiot for earnestly sharing a link to a fake story.
You can thank me later.
McDonald’s won’t be selling milkshakes as a condiment even though they totally should
FINALLY! 🙌 pic.twitter.com/v89REJTLXi
— McDonald's UK (@McDonaldsUK) March 31, 2019
The BBC isn’t letting people skip through sex scenes
Introducing @BBCiPlayer’s #SkipTheSex button.
For those mortifying moments when a surprise 🍆 or 🍑 makes you 😳… pic.twitter.com/eM9rQ6LNFi
— BBC iPlayer (@BBCiPlayer) April 1, 2019
Google hasn’t invented a talking flower (at least not yet)
Roku hasn’t invented a remote your dog can use
Petco isn’t doing weddings now
Leopard print koalas don’t exist
It’s a little-known fact that some #koala joeys are born with leopard print fur 🐨
We don’t yet know why only certain joeys are blessed with such incredible fashion sense, but we’re sure little April here is the envy of her friends. #seeaustralia #wildlife #australia pic.twitter.com/FJUDwdRk9E
— Australia (@Australia) March 31, 2019
Honda isn’t selling a car that people would definitely buy if given the chance
Timex isn’t adding a 25th hour to the day
Tinder isn’t actually making people verify their height (and short dudes everywhere breathed a sigh of relief)
Introducing the thing you never asked for, but definitely always wanted—Tinder Height Verification. Coming soon.
Read more about it here: https://t.co/8MER0L1U6W pic.twitter.com/hZ507zSoic— Tinder (@Tinder) March 29, 2019
REEF (sadly) isn’t making a fanny pack for your sandals
Bear Grylls is not going to space with a bunch of kids
50 years after Scouts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin landed on the moon, we’re announcing the first-ever Scout Camp in outer space!
Led by Chief Ambassador Bear Grylls, 12 Explorer Scouts will be ready for liftoff in April 1, 2021. 🚀 https://t.co/cXd1BaTigz
— World Scouting (@worldscouting) April 1, 2019
SodaStream isn’t letting you carbonate water by burping
Mr. Potato Head isn’t getting replaced by an avocado
Holy guacamole! We’ve given Mr. Potato Head the sack and we're introducing his new hipster companion, Mr Avo Head! pic.twitter.com/Y9aRITCTd7
— Hasbro (@Hasbro) April 1, 2019
Of course, these are just some of the many pranks making their way around the internet today so remember: if it sounds too good (or too dumb) to be true, it probably is.