iStockphoto / SimonMayer
I’m old enough to remember when Twitter was about sharing jokes and videos from Vine. Long before it was infested with racist trolls, political trolls, bridge trolls, and joke-stealing trolls, Twitter was a great place to get your breaking news and laugh in between headlines (you can find me at @casspa btw).
It’s the perfect medium for aspiring comedians to test out new one-liners, especially now that Twitter has upped the character length of tweets to 280-characters. The Twitter account @kalesalad has amassed a ton of followers in recent months by retweeting the viral tweets of the day, but a recent thread on Twitter Moments asked users to nominate the all-time best tweets they’ve ever seen.
I clicked on this expecting to not see my all-time favorite tweet and to my dismay, I was wrong. I’ll tell you down below which one’s my favorite but I’ll let you decide for yourselves which one’s the best without influencing it. Also, if you want to keep this thread going you can tweet your favorite tweet ever at me to @casspa and if it’s good enough I’ll add it here.
It started with this tweet:
Reply to this with your all-time favourite tweet
— Fred Delicious 🍆 (@Fred_Delicious) May 3, 2018
https://twitter.com/thenatewolf/status/658541632623476736
"Fred, do you believe in ghosts?"
[I glance over to my all-ghost little league team & give them a thumbs up]
"I sure do"— Fred Delicious 🍆 (@Fred_Delicious) May 18, 2015
https://twitter.com/xLiserx/status/805623196036845568
Life is short. Write that novel. Paint that painting. Try new recipes. Learn black magic. Go into the forest at night. Summon a demon. Earn that demon's trust. Become best friends with it. Brag to everyone else about your new cool demon best friend. Knit that sweater.
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) December 23, 2017
DAD: [grabs chest] Quick! Call me an ambulance.
ME: [hesitantly] You're… an ambulance.
DAD: I'm- I'm so proud of you, son [dies]— mo (@chuuew) May 4, 2016
Me: *slapping my older brother in the face with his own hand* haha stop hitting yourself, why are you hitting yourself
Sister-in-law: *crying* is this why you wanted an open casket
— dick snickers (@smithsara79) December 11, 2017
This is my first rodeo. What kind of animal is that. Who's that guy in the barrel. What's up with the timer. What the fuck is going on here.
— Clue Heywood (@ClueHeywood) September 10, 2015
https://twitter.com/bea_ker/status/717569288668733442
ME: I think human cloning is a big mistake
ALSO ME: ok wow, I'm right here
— Blah de Vivre (@blahdevivre) April 22, 2018
https://twitter.com/nachdermas/status/947613084646076416
who called it an octopus not an armarmarmarmarmarmarmarmadillo
— Mowgli (@Holy_Mowgli) December 11, 2017
I tap on the window & make the "roll window down" gesture. the guy just starts freaking out. not even the flight attendant can calm him down
— Conventional mattress, the (VCR broke never saw i (@MrMichaelRose) August 5, 2013
We're a modest company with modest goals:
1: sell a quality product at a fair price
2: drain the world's oceans so we can find and kill god— Stev D (@Stev_D) October 21, 2014
"jail isnt real," i assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco
— wint (@dril) March 18, 2012
Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings. It's always the same angel. It's covered in wings now and wants to die but can't
— sweaty five dollars (@iscoff) June 12, 2012
I’ve been laughing at this one all morning:
GUY: What does it eat?
ME: [falcon perched on shoulder] Updog
*falcon starts break dancing*
ME: Not yet Tyler, wait until he asks what it is— huntigula (@huntigula) August 7, 2015
I can’t explain why, I can’t. For some reason unbeknownst to me, this is my all-time favorite tweet (that wasn’t a Vine video of Harambe):
[Dentist waiting room]
Me: [chanting] teeth, teeth-
Other patients: teeth, TEETH
Secretary: [pounding her clipboard] TEETH, TEETH, TEETH!
— brandAn is good (@LeBearGirdle) August 17, 2017
Like I mentioned above, if you have an all-time favorite tweet and want to nominate it for this article you can tweet it to me @casspa and if it’s good enough I might add it here (or retweet).