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For those of you who have engaged in the wild world of online dating, I don’t need to remind you that labeling services like Tinder and Bumble ‘hookup apps’ is far too simplistic and idealistic and neglects to recognize the trials and tribulations that come with meeting random strangers with ambiguous motives.
I spent two years swiping left and right (okay, mostly just right), and although it allowed me to go #ViRaL, it hardened me, and rarely in the good way. I met some beautiful, interesting women on the apps (including my current girlfriend. Hi babe, what do you want for dinner? I don’t care either), but for every one magic mushroom, I was forced to rummage through a bunch of shit. I’ve had girls show up to dates on weeknights fall-down drunk. I met a girl with an under-lip tattoo that read ‘fuck you,’ which was conveniently omitted from her profile pictures. I even had a girl spend 15 minutes in the bathroom before texting me from the stall that she was having “stomach problems” and would love to reschedule. It’s a total crapshoot, pun intended, but no one said love is supposed to be easy.
But for all the horror stories I have, a Tinder scam that is going viral today trumps them all. Buckle up and allow this Twitter user to detail how he was hoodwinked by a daughter of Satan (named Natasha) into a date no man in his right mind would ever sign up for.
I am about to tell you an epic tale about subterfuge, dating in the 21st century and the fall of human civilization. This actually happened to me and it could happen to you too. Get some popcorn. *Thread*
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
So a few weeks ago I was on the Tinder machine shopping my soul around and I match with a very attractive young lady. No bio. Fairly innocuous.
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
I message her some random shit and we chat for an hour or so and she says "here's my number text me" I'm like okay sure thing.
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
I text her n we make small talk abt work for a bit then she goes, "actually, I have this huge presentation Im workin on for my job, would you be offended if I got back to you in like a week or two when Ive got more free time? Youre cute and I want to meet you Im just too busy rn"
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
I thought well that's an overly elaborate way to ghost someone. I say "lol I wouldn't be offended, I totally get it. Hit me up when you're free"
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
She says "thank you, I was worried you would think I was trying to blow you off haha but for sure I'll text you in like a week, I'm excited" in my head I'm like sssssssuuuuurrrreeee I respond "😊"
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
Two weeks pass I completely forget about her then I remember and go back to tinder and I can't find the conversation. 🧐 I think well that's weird she deleted her tinder but I take it as… overly elaborate ghosting methods
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
Then yesterday I get a text "HEY IM FINALLY FREE LMAO… my friend is DJing near Union square around 6 tomorrow I was wondering if you wanted to go for a bit then we could go get drinks after and see what happens"
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
I'm like well I'll be damned. Genuinely didn't think she would message me. I reply "yeah I should be free, I'd be down" she says "amazing I'm gonna be running around today and tomorrow but just come around 6 and I'll meet you by the stage then we'll head out"
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
I say sure thing, looking forward to it. This morning she texts me at 9 am "hey it's gonna rain today but I think it should clear up in time for our date" I'm like cool, I'll be there
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
I play football with @mersrulesworld_ earlier today and express my incredulity at the situation. I find her Instagram it says singer, actress, model, 3000 followers and I'm like uugghhhh I dunno bro, THIS SHIT FEELS OFF but fuck it
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
I make my way to Union Square. Eat a hot dog and look over by this open lot by 17th Ave and there is a stage and a DJ and about 100 ppl and cameras and shit and I think well this is some random ass Manhattan shit.
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
She texts me "hey I'm running a little late but just meet me by the stage then we can go" I wasn't gonna stand in front of the fucking stage so I stand off to the side a bit
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
Eventually I see a girl moving towards backstage with two enormous bodyguards in sunglasses and realise it's her and I'm thinking WHAT THINE FUCKETH IS GOING ON
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
I stay back and assess the situation and I'm like fuck I'mma stay right where I am til she texts me. The DJ eventually stops playing and she gets on the stage and I'm so fucking confused but think well I guess she's a social media personality or some shit
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
I immediately think I'm too fucking old for this shit.
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
She gets the mic and is like thanks for coming out I bet you're all wondering what this is about and I'm like yeah what the fuck is this about
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
She then says so I know all of you here are on tinder and I'm like 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
Then she says I've invited you all here for a chance to go on a date with me and proceeds to give a hunger games speech about what its gonna take to date her
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
ALL THE DUDES THERE SHE FOUND ON TINDER AND TEXTED THEM THE SAME SHIT
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
Every man in the crowd looks down and mimes WHAT IN THE NAME OF SCOOBY DOO THE IS THIS SHIT to themself
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
At that point I am genuinely amazed at the fallopian fortitude this girl possesses. This is top 10 greatest finesse of all time. Dudes actually stayed and played.
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
I went home.
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
I TRUST NO ONE. I TRUST NOTHING ANYMORE. VANITY WILL BE THE DEMISE OF HUMAN CIVILIZATION. DON'T GET GOT. THE END.
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
The scene pic.twitter.com/U0ROAWKDQc
— míš (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
This dude’s tale was corroborated by many men, some of which regaled their experience to Gothamist. Nicholas, 28, from Union City, New Jersey, said:
“The gist of it was she wanted to do Live Tinder. Folks were pretty mad,” Nicholas said, adding that she appeared to have security and staff helping her with the show. “And she started calling the different characteristics she doesn’t like. ‘If you’re Puerto Rican and support Trump leave!’ ‘If you have a long beard leave.’ Then she did a competition.”
People actually lined up for a sprinting contest. I take it these guys are trying to outrun an extended dry spell.
Here is Natasha speaking to droves of men about some bullshit. So some dude called her out for it.
To all the men and women who have been affected by self-important people through dating apps, you are not alone. You are liking standing next to 50 other dudes in Union Square. Let your voice be heard.
[h/t Gothamist]