Hossein Anv / Unsplash
I imagine this was just another day Down Under for this paraglider Jonathan Bishop who got his face beaten in by a pissed off kangaroo. It’s an island continent that’s crawling with creatures waiting to ruin your day (or life) and it seems like it’s only a matter of time before all Australians end up on the business end of a pissed off animal.
Jonathan Bishop was peacefully floating upon the skies over the Orroral Valley in Namadgi National Park. As we can see in the brief seconds before landing, it’s an absolutely breathtaking landscape.
Knowing what was coming in this video I was keeping my eyes peeled for the kangaroos as he circled the landing circle but I still think those kangaroos materialized out of thin air to beat some ass. He wasn’t on the ground longer than a breath or two before the jacked up joey showed up and started throwing haymakers.
Andrew Joseph of USA Today’s ‘For The Win‘ had this note to add about the incident:
“I had been Paragliding cross country for two hours near Canberra and had reached a position where I had to land. It is the last cleared valley where I could safely land, as over the next ridge there is only wilderness and trees. I decided to land on the concrete slab of the old Orroral Space Tracking Station. I was concentrating on the landing and didn’t notice the Kangaroo until after I landed. As it ran towards me I thought it was being friendly so I said ‘What’s Up, Skip?’ It then attacked me twice before hopping away. I packed up my paraglider and had to walk several kilometers to get phone reception and call a friend to come and collect me.” (via)
Because I’m American and have no concept of kilometers other than knowing that they’re shorter than miles I’ll go ahead and assume this guy only had to walk a few blocks while licking his wounds. And because he’s Australian, I’ll also assume he had to battle a snake, croc, and funnel-web spider along his path to safety.
In being attacked by a kangaroo while trying to go about his business, Jonathan Bishop joins a long list of Australians to be featured here on BroBible who have had their lives threatened by pissed off creatures out of the blue. There was recently this genius who held a blue-ringed octopus in his hand, one of the deadliest and most venomous creatures on the entire fuckin’ planet. This surfer nicknamed ‘shark bait’ lived up to his name. Another guy who got his ass kicked by a kangaroo but this dude at least managed to save his beer.
There was also the nudist who survived a shark attack, surfers getting circled by way-too-curious sharks, a paddleboarder who got wrecked by a dolphin, and the biggest damn spider you’ve ever seen somehow inside a person’s car.
Australia, not even once.