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Today on Mad Online: Golden Globes Edition, we get unreasonable upset that a stranger didn’t contort her body properly to express a satisfying level of enthusiasm about something subjective and ultimately trivial!
As a reminder, you can only be considered for the Mad Online army if you one or more of the following applies to you.
- You are unhappy and unfulfilled in your life
- You have at least one regrettable tattoo
- You have a ‘It’s Adam and Eve, NOT Adam and Steve” bumper sticker
Ok. So now that we weeded out the strong ones, let’s use our mental bandwidth to shame Beyonce for not giving Joaquin Phoenix a standing ovation for dressing like a clown and making millions (Disclaimer: I thought Joaquin was unbelievable in Joker, but if I dressed like a clown and danced in the streets, I wouldn’t make millions, I’d make the sex offender list).
Queen B, who was dressed like my last acid trip, refused to join the masses in giving Joaquin Phoenix a standing ovation for Joaquin winning Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama for Joker.
Beyoncé sitting during the standing ovation for Joaquin Phoenix's win is the type of energy I want to see from everyone in 2020 pic.twitter.com/EJD8uq4mHq
— Sam Stryker (@sbstryker) January 6, 2020
Imagine being Isaac Basurto mad.
https://twitter.com/isaac_basurto/status/1214065839068110848?s=20
thoroughly distasteful
— Neil (@itsnotdannny) January 6, 2020
Pretty rude tbh
— the man man (@rohan_refuses) January 6, 2020
People really on here praising Beyonce for being a rude ass and not standing for Joaquin when literally everyone else was? #GoldenGlobes pic.twitter.com/Wueiy0ijRw
— 가을🥛 (@gaeul_gongju) January 6, 2020
https://twitter.com/casual_redhead/status/1214054124825788416?s=20
https://twitter.com/htizn1/status/1214054174213623809?s=20
https://twitter.com/mrsh0neybee/status/1214059761295073281?s=20
Out of respect, she should’ve stood up. Wtf
— Gabrielle Skye 💋 (@skyeisimmortal) January 6, 2020
Joaquin is better than Beyoncé https://t.co/nSFGIL4z7T
— üllar jörberg ecofascist 🕊🌍🇦🇿🇦🇷🇬🇷🇪🇸🇭🇹 (@conspiracystuf2) January 6, 2020
In Joaquin’s acceptance speech, he did exactly what Ricky Gervais sternly instructed celebs not to do: preach. Phoenix brought up global warming (“We don’t have to take private jets to Palm Springs … I’ll try to do better, and I hope you will too) and thanked the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for its meat-free meal.
BLAH BLAH. The Golden Globes should require every winner to reveal their biggest insecurity they have in themselves rather than talk down to us about social issues. That’s a Golden Globes I’d actually watch.