LOSER: Cersei Lanniester
Audio By Carbonatix
I was on the brink of naming Cersei Lanniester a ‘winner’, because she’s now back in the Red Keep with the protection of the King’s Army, the Kingsguard, and now a zombie warrior (formerly The Mountain). He was once the biggest and deadliest man in Westeros, and now he’s a zombie killer who lives to protect Cersei. That alone had me leaning ‘winner’ with her, but then I factored in the things she was forced to confess, the public shame of her walk, her injuries on the walk, her dead daughter Myrcella, and she definitely feels like a ‘loser’. Also, I wanted to name her a loser because she used a body double during her naked walk from the High Sparrow’s sept to the Red Keep where her son, King Tommen, lives.
I have to admit, bros, that naked walk of ‘Shame’ was A LOT more graphic than I ever assumed it would be. I knew the walk was coming, but I didn’t envision the blood on her feet after her heels and toes were cut to shreds. Never did I imagine her being cut to pieces on the cobblestone and covered in urine and feces. I certainly did NOT expect that full frontal nudity to happen, but as this BroBible contributor pointed out…when in Rome:
Any chance you get to whip your dick out and yell at the queen, you gotta do it
— WJ (@WMsDiary) June 15, 2015
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Cersei has lost her daughter as well has her dignity, but she’s gained quite possibly the most valuable protector in the realm:
Before she had a zombie version of ‘The Mountain’ as her righthand man she was one of most evil, deadliest characters Game of Thrones has to offer, but now she’s like herself on steroids. I expect her resolve out of this to bring hellfire down on the High Sparrow and Faith Militant unlike anything we’ve seen from Cersei thus far. If there isn’t all out war between the King’s soldiers and Lannister men vs. The Faith Militant within the first 3 episodes of Season 6 I will be ABSOLUTELY SHOCKED. Tommen will not tell his mother now.
Also, one of the Kingsguard (Ser Meryn Trant) was killed while on duty with Mace Tyrell, Queen Margaery’s father. The implication there is that the Tyrell’s will have to answer for this slight against the Kingsguard. Two of the Tyrell’s already being held in prison, Queen Margaery and her brother Ser Loras, so I won’t be shocked to see Mace Tyrell (the patriarch) held responsible for this next season…
AL;SDJFA;SLJDFAKL;SJDFL;JS WHY ISN’T SEASON 6 STARTING TOMORROW I CANNOT WAIT THIS MANY MONTHS FOR MORE MORE EPISODES WHEN THERE’S NOT EVEN ANY BOOKS LEFT TO READ. THIS IS SO NOT COOL HBO/GEORGE R.R. MARTIN!!!! YOU NEED TO HURRY YOUR ASSES UP WITH THE CONTENT!!! WE THE PEOPLE DEMAND CONTENT!!! /end rant