As a teacher, having zero students show up to your scheduled class must be the equivalent to no one showing up to your 8th birthday party. Except at least for the birthday party, you get to keep all the goodie bags and you can take out your frustration on the piñata while tears roll down your cheeks. As a teacher, all you can do is sit there with your thoughts and hate yourself for spending $100,000 to get your Masters degree for little shits who would rather play Pokemon Go than learn about isosceles triangles.
Teacher Adam Heath Avitable felt that life-reevaluating rejection after not one student showed up for his Algebra class. Lucky for us, he live tweeted his agony and it has gone viral. Nothing turns a teacher from a zero to a hero like going viral. It’s all uphill from here, Adam. Only because you couldn’t get any lower.
Classwatch 2017. Class started 30 mins ago. No students yet. I thought one was coming but it was just an administrator. Who laughed at me.
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
Five more minutes have passed. I'm starting to doubt myself. Did I tell them no class? Is today Thursday? Am I dreaming? #Classwatch2017
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
It's so quiet. Every time I hear a door open, I sit up and smile. But when nobody enters my classroom, I die on the inside. #Classwatch2017
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
Class started 45 mins ago. Still no students. I get paranoid. Is the door to the classroom locked?
I check it.
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
Is everyone else in the world dead? Was there a sudden zombie attack and I survived, alone in my classroom? #Classwatch2017
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
I swear to all that's holy, if no students have shown up by the time it hits the hour mark, I'm calling it a day. #Classwatch2017
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
A bird lands outside my window. I invite him in to learn about algebra. He declines and flies away. I hope a cat eats him. #Classwatch2017
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
I picture Rube Goldberg scenarios where all my students got into in one complex car accident and that's why they're late. #Classwatch2017
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
I check my email to see if I missed something. I have no emails at all. This is weird. Did I die? Am I dead? Is this hell? #Classwatch2017
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
It's been an hour. Are there gunmen outside, holding everyone hostage and keeping them from coming in?
I check.
Nope.#Classwatch2017— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
My sign-in sheet is as empty as my soul right now. I have to eat this candy alone. #Classwatch2017 pic.twitter.com/loUV8pX5Q5
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
Maybe I should just start lecturing. Students will hear talking and come in. That woudn't be crazy, right? RIGHT?! #Classwatch2017
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SOMEONE IS PULLING A PRANK ON ME I WILL probably break down and cry. #Classwatch2017
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
The lights just went off on me automatically. I start to get up to move around so they turn on again, but what's the point. #Classwatch2017
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
I hear voices outside. I go to the window, hope in my heart. It's just some kids on their bikes, having fun. 1/2 #Classwatch2017
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
"Why aren't you in school? Your teacher needs you!" I yell through the closed window and give them the finger. 2/2 #Classwatch2017
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
I have started to name the chairs in the classroom. Funfetti is the good student. Charmander, the troublemaker. #Classwatch2017
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
That's it. I give up. I'm packing up and going home. Clearly this is a sign that I wasn't meant to teach anyone today. #Classwatch2017
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
Two students just walked in. Remorseless, no apology, no explanation. I hope they don't think they're getting any candy. #Classwatch2017
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
I can't do it. I give them candy anyway, but remind them that class started 95 minutes ago. They shrug. Urge to kill rises. #Classwatch2017
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
Both students ask to use the computer today. I sigh and say okay. I don't even need to be here. End. #Classwatch2017 pic.twitter.com/FKEaTDaxuU
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 19, 2017
Adam’s newfound fame will surely lead to a drug addiction and eventual bankruptcy.
My mom: "I saw you on the internet today."
Me: "Yeah, I went viral."
Mom: "So what's next?"
Me: "Probably a sex tape."— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 20, 2017
In the last 24 hours I've received…
flirty messages: 3K+
marriage proposals: 28
dick pics: 12
journalist messages: 6
money: 0
bacon: 0— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 20, 2017
[h/t LADbible]