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This feels like piling on.
Jason Garrett is hanging onto his job like Leo clung to that piece of driftwood in the Titanic while Jerry Jones is sitting dry and pretty telling him he’ll never let go (spoiler alert: Rose lets Jack die in the end. And watched it.)
And here I am, in what is undoubtedly the most stressful time in Garrett’s professional life, mocking the positioning of his hands. Petty and petulant. But if one can’t hide behind a keyboard to mock someone higher on the food chain in their darkest hour without the fear of retribution, why did meatspin invent the internet?
So without further ado, tighter up your skin so you don’t crawl out of it looking at these photos of Jason Garrett in what perpetually appears to be the very first day with his new hands.
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Can anyone explain why Jason Garrett is gripping Sean McVay like my mother did when she made go say hi to my unrelated aunt who insisted on kissing me on the lips?
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Just Mr. Garrett closing his eyes in bliss while giving Jason Witten what appears to be an expedient pre-game handjob in front of 30,000 people.
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It’s obvious that Garrett just Googled “What to do with my hands at a basketball game.” But he must have Bing’ed it because the search instructed him to super glue his hands together and make a face like he just got tricked by a fart.
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The hand positioning above is Garrett’s fatal flaw.
He already has the handshake. But, he gets greedy and sticks his weak hand out for a dual-embrace that has never been a thing human beings have tacitly agreed up and often ends up like this…
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0-479.
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This is not what Dez Bryant meant by “connecting with black players.”
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Aaron Rodgers has that face that says: ‘Stairway To Heaven Just Came On And I Got Peer Pressured Into Dancing With The Girl With Gingivitis.’ Let go Jason. The dance is over and Jerry Jones is making you walk home.
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The ass pat is as old as Jerry Jones, but with Jason Garrett it always seems like he’s savoring it a bit too much. As if to hyper-focus on all his senses to return to the moment back at the hotel room.
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Jason Garrett practicing for his job as a grounds crew assistant at a Dallas airport after Jerry Jones revokes his key card access to the Cowboys facilities.
Ok, that was mean. I can’t do this anymore.
Jason, if you’re reading this. Don’t lose sleep over it. I promise I’m more unhappy than you are.