10. Carl Weathers
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Carl Weathers spent a couple of seasons with the Oakland Raiders. Then he brawled with Rocky as Apollo Creed, fought the goddamn Predator, mentored Happy Gilmore, and got a stew going on Arrested Development. This man is an American treasure.
9. Ed O’Neill
Yes, Al Bundy was an NFL player. Okay, technically, he never made it out of training camp, but he was a member of the Pittsburgh Steelers for a brief time in 1969 so I’ll allow it. It’s Al Bundy! Come on.
8. Pat Tillman
A lot of dudes talk the talk, but Pat Tillman walked the badass walk. He was a kickass safety who tossed it all to go to war after 9/11 because somebody had to do that shit, and I didn’t see too many other millionaires laying it all on the line. Look, war sucks and I am not the type of dude to glorify it, but you can’t deny Pat Tillman. His death was tragic, but he died trying to live as the best possible man he thought he could be and that is all any of us can hope to do.
7. Deacon Jones
His real name was David, but he liked Deacon better and he was such a badass that everyone just went along with it. He was maybe the best pass rusher in NFL history, and when he wasn’t kicking ass on the field, he was jamming with the band WAR off of it and appeared on their hit “Why Can’t We Be Friends?” That’s, uh, that’s pretty cool.
6. Rosey Grier
Rosey Grier was Deacon Jones’ teammate on the defensive line for the Rams back in the day, and… good lord. That is almost too much cool. Rosey was just as big a badass, and he gets a slight edge for being the dude who took out Robert F. Kennedy’s assassin, Sirhan Sirhan. He tackled the asshole and broke his arm immediately after the shooting. Don’t fuck with Rosey Grier and don’t fuck with those Rams, I guess.
5. Bo Jackson
Bo knows… everything, apparently. For a few years, nobody was cooler than Bo Jackson. He was running up walls in baseball stadiums, running over and around people on the football field and even running the goddamn game in Tecmo Football. He was everywhere and every kid back then wanted to be him.
4. Ken Stabler
Ken Stabler was the leader of those legendary outlaw Raiders teams of the 1970s. That enough gets him a place of honor on this list. But it was the way he did it – with toughness and drunken swagger – that really made him the man. He partied all night – and often into the day – and then just went out and won football games. Here’s all you really need to know – the cover of his autobiography, called “Snake”, which was his nickname because that’s how hard he owned, simply featured an upside down Raiders helmet with beer cans crushed and tossed inside. Ken Stabler was a boss.
3. Joe Namath
Joe Namath is the only dude who could get away with lounging next to a pool the week of the Super Bowl, guarantee victory with an easy smile on his face and then back that shit up. He’s Broadway Joe and you don’t need me to recount his legend. He’s basically the Ric Flair of the NFL.
2. Jim Brown
Jim Brown is probably the ultimate alpha male in NFL history, which is really saying something, you know? He could probably make every other dude on this list pee while sitting down. He’s also maybe the best player in NFL history, and he walked away at the height of his powers because, well, because fuck you, that’s why. He’s always done everything on his own terms, from kicking ass on the field, to kicking Hollywood ass off it. He’s Jim Brown and Jim Brown is the man.
1. Fred Williamson
Embed from Getty ImagesFred “the Hammer” Williamson is the only dude who could probably go face to face with Jim Brown and come away with his balls still intact. He transitioned from an All-Pro career as a defensive back with the Kansas City Chiefs to one of the most badass of all the 1970s Blaxploitation stars, but what really puts him over the top and makes him the number one pick on this list is this quote, given to the magazine Adam Film World in the 1970’s: “I fuck too good to eat pussy.”
You win, sir. You win.