Audio By Carbonatix
Ezequiel Lavezzi is an Argentinian forward for the French professional soccer team Paris Saint-German. Barring any unforgivable features like a swastika tattooed on his forehead or genital herpes, I think it’s safe to say that ol’ Ezequiel doesn’t have a problem getting laid.
Which is why it is absolutely baffling to me why he would get hung up on one model. That’s like waiting around for the London Broil at the Golden Corral when there’s a steaming hot bin of mac and cheese directly next to it. Life as a professional athlete is a buffet, DIG IN, you baffoon.
But if I’m going to make a case for Ezequiel’s thirst, it would be that Argentinian model Mariana Diarco is smoking hot. I think you’d agree.
Esto es lo previo antes de darles la foto de Buenas noches pic.twitter.com/4grSgYrtu9
— ❤ Mariana Diarco (@MarianitaDiarco) August 12, 2015
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Llegó la fiesta para tu boquita toda la noche todito el día vamos a bañarnos en la orillita q la marea esta picadita pic.twitter.com/YIimK8fbHX
— ❤ Mariana Diarco (@MarianitaDiarco) August 9, 2015
According to Diarco, Ezequiel has been consistently sending her messages, even after she told him to stop on numerous occasions.
Diarco was so fed up with Ezequiel’s shenanigans that she posted a screenshotted Snapchat he sent her to Twitter.
Ni separado escarmentas seguis mandandome fotos @PochoLavezzi . El macho de América usa tanga chicas! pic.twitter.com/xqdaaMfhk9
— ❤ Mariana Diarco (@MarianitaDiarco) September 29, 2015
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Translation: “Not even while you’re separated do you calm down, you’re still sending me photos Lavezzi? America’s macho wears a thong!”
This is perfect for my boy Ezequiel. He is legitimately one giant muscle. And now the whole world knows. If you substituted me into those photos, no girl would ever text me back. Oh wait, they don’t anyway. AIN’T THAT RIGHT, TINA?!
In a subsequent tweet, Diarco says, “I’m tired of this kid, I want to be left in peace with my love, it was not good upload the photo but I can’t take it anymore.”
Her “love” is singer Dipy Martinez, who also seems to have a problem with Ezequiel creepin.
Translation: “I’m tired of this dick. You call my girl all the time when I told you no fucking more? You think I didn’t know anything? Ha”
Ezequiel, I’m the last one to lecture about thirst, but I think it’s time to let sleeping dogs lie, pal. Pack up what’s left of your dignity and move on.
P.S. Strong ass you got there. Strong.
[h/t Uproxx]