Audio By Carbonatix
Getty Image / Maddie Meyer/Getty Images
I think I can speak for almost all of us when I say that LeBron James has accomplished more before he could legally drink alcohol than I’ll be able to all my life. Tonight, he is seven points away from joining only six other humans in NBA history to reach 30,000 career points. Astronomically impressive. But this begs the question: What would you personally have to accomplish in your life to pen a thank you letter to your former self about your current and future achievements? Cure cancer? Invent a better safe sex solution than strapping a balloon on your johnson?
The answer, if you’re not a psychopath, is nothing. There is no circumstance in which one would ever do such a thing. No one would ever do this.
Earlier today, I gave Bron Bron a pro-bono tutorial on how to properly humble brag to avoid the beatdown he’d receive on the internet for such a thing, but it looks like I was a hair too late. People have already began mocking LBJ with cartoonish self-congrulating Instagram posts of their own.
https://twitter.com/casspa/status/955920728129449984
Wanna be one of the first to Congratulate you on this accomplishment/achievement you'll reach! Only a handful has reach/seen so many tacos in a little over a year. So many people to thank who has helped me. Congrats again Taco Tim 🌮🌮🌮#TacoTuesday pic.twitter.com/QvZ4idH5EZ
— GOLF TACOS FOOTBALL (@Golf_Tacos_Tim) January 23, 2018
Wanna be one of the first to congratulate you on this accomplishment tonight that you’ll reach! Even though you were nothing more than a second option on a temple league team, you will will tweet about basketball and other sports tonight. #StriveForGreatness #TheKidFromLarchmont pic.twitter.com/uEqDMDM6t7
— Jeff Eisenband (@JeffEisenband) January 23, 2018
Wanna be one of the first to Congratulate you on this accomplishment/achievement tonight that you’ll reach! You’re going to tweet about basketball tonight. That’s a lot of tweets. Only few have done it, only a few seats are there (about a million) and #NBATwitter would be proud. pic.twitter.com/YXhdkCNMaw
— Oliver Maroney (@OliverMaroney) January 23, 2018
https://twitter.com/Teddy_Floyd/status/955854369664233473
Wanna be the first to congratulate you. For wearing sleeves. For not getting this drunk every weekend. There's so many people to thank who advised you to stop it with the goatee and the necklaces. Congrats again Young Fox. #striveforgreatness #thekidfromeastdennis #LeBron #LeSean pic.twitter.com/IyzcYTJVBE
— Sean Sylver (@TheSylverFox) January 23, 2018
Wanna be one of the first to Congratulate you on this accomplishment/achievement tonight when you binge 10 episodes of the good place and spend your 30,000th dollar on seamless pic.twitter.com/gocuGyOBwR
— comer310 (@comer310) January 23, 2018
https://twitter.com/BDSteuble/status/955867124852973568
"Wanna be one of the first to Congratulate you on this accomplishment/achievement tonight that you'll reach. Only a handful has reach/seen it too and while I know it's never been a goal of yours from the beginning (please try) to take a moment for yourself on how you've done it!" pic.twitter.com/Or13dcsjg2
— David Gardner (@byDavidGardner) January 23, 2018
Strive for greatness, ya’ll.
[h/t For The Win]