- WWE
In case you missed the Royal Rumble last night, well, you’re probably better off because it was an absolute failure from top to bottom (minus a pretty solid main event). I’m not being harsh. More than a few people agree with my assessment but they’d probably use a couple curse words to describe what should be the biggest match on the WWE calendar.
First, the backlash — in case the thunderous boos from the live Philly crowd during Roman Reigns’ victory party weren’t enough of an indicator that fans didn’t want to see Roman Reigns win the Rumble, #CancelWWENetwork was the #1 worldwide trend on Twitter late Sunday night into early Monday morning. The uproar was so massive, at one point last night, the cancellation page on WWE.com crashed.
Even “Stone Cold” Steve Austin heard shit about it and he’s not even fucking involved with the company in a creative or booking capacity.
300 emails in 15 minutes? You ain’t gotta get hot about it… #RoyalRumble #steveaustinshow
— Steve Austin (@steveaustinBSR) January 26, 2015
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On paper, the Royal Rumble is a dream event for the promotion and the fans. The WWE can tell an entire story in the course of one match while setting up future feuds and storylines. The Royal Rumble can create new stars or establish wrestlers looking for insta-credible. Last night, the Rumble brought shine back to a slowly fading young star, broke a couple long-standing Rumble records and brought some old faces back for one last pop from the live crowd.
Here are the positives/negatives (oh so fucking many negative) from last night’s Royal Rumble:
Bubba Ray Dudley returns – Arguably one of the loudest pops of the evening belonged to a man who hasn’t wrestled in a WWE ring in over ten years. Sure, the former tag team champion is also a ECW original returning to the federation’s former hometown, but it was an incredibly smart way to reestablish the character of Bubba Ray Dudley to the WWE audience. Long time fans losing their shit over his arrival, his momentary alliance with another former ECW star R-Truth, and his proclamation to “Get the tables!” were helpful in reintroducing newer WWE fans to a guy they might only know as “a former TNA guy.” A reunion with Devon and run at the Usos would be welcomed for a stalled tag division.
Bray Wyatt is back. After a few dominant minutes of tossing wrestler after wrestler over the top ropes and back to the dressing room, Wyatt lasted over thirty-five minutes and reestablished himself as a force in the WWE main event scene. The Rumble match finally addressed an issue that WWE creative has largely ignored for the past few months – the Wyatt family breaking up. If the Westboro Baptist Church just broke up one day, for little reason, we’d all rejoice but would wonder “what the fuck?” Fans deserve a little clarity as to exactly why they’re no longer a threesome. At least Rollins turned on The Shield because of opportunity. Nevermind. I’ll just get all worked up and we’ll be here all day.
Anyway, it’s obvious Rowan isn’t going to be at any family reunions any time soon but Luke Harper and Bray Wyatt trading blows at least brings closure to their dissolution. Oh, ok, none of these guys like each other. Makes sense. Hopefully the Rumble altercation leads to a Wyatt and Harper feud or possible reunion since neither guy has anything notable going on storyline-wise at the moment.
No John Cena –With every countdown to a new competitor, I held my breath and swore to God if Cena’s music hit I’d throw my laptop through my television. The rare double screen explosion, not seen in my house since the 2001 Super Bowl. After losing the Main Event (and actually kind of disappearing during the Lesnar victory) I swore a Cena “beating the odds” was in the cards. You know, for business. But no John Cena.
Daniel Bryan is who we thought he was – and that’s Daniel Bryan. In case his Smackdown match with Kane wasn’t enough proof, Daniel Bryan has recovered from his shoulder injury. He might not be at 100% but an almost healthy Daniel Bryan is better than a majority of the healthy WWE roster. Bryan is also still incredibly over with the crowd. This was obvious not just at the audible disappoint at his elimination but the fact that the Philadelphia crowd continued to chant Bryan’s name even after it was obvious he wasn’t going to get back into the Rumble. Personally, I didn’t want Daniel Bryan to win. Not because I don’t love the guy and think the WWE is a much better place with him healthy and competing, but because a Bryan win would be almost as predictable as…
The Negatives (this could take a while)
….Roman Reigns winning the Rumble. Roman Reigns. It was always Roman Reigns – Many of the guys left in the ring at the end, had they won, would have been…eh..annoying? But fans knew it wouldn’t be Kane, Big Show or even Rusev because Lesnar is still holding the gold. With about ten minutes left in the match it was painfully obvious Roman Reigns was walking out the winner. Everyone knew it. A fake billboard knew it. It’s been written in the dirts for months. There’s nothing worse than the WWE’s plans coming to life. I do feel bad for Roman Reigns. This isn’t his fault. He’s being pushed way too soon after a long hiatus and now getting backed by The Rock, a guy who should know well enough what the hell happens when you’re jammed down the fans throats to soon. Die Roman Die?
No John Cena — Alright, how the fuck can I have no John Cena as a positive AND a negative? I’ll explain. Around number 23, the WWE talent level started to pick up. Ryback followed by Kane and then a huge pop for Dean Ambrose and it was all building to something…something…either a superstar that would tear the roof off the fucking joint or a guy who’d get nuclear level heat. And then #26 was Titus O’Neill and it felt as though the entire live crowd simultaneously threw their hands in the air to ask “the fuck are we supposed to do with Titus O’Neill” but he got dumped before they could finish the question. The crowds vitriol towards Cena when his music hit during the main event was hot. If Cena came back out at #26 the walls of the Well Fargo center would have melted like that dude’s face in Raiders Of The Lost Arc. The Rumble always needs a “we want this guy to win” and a “please God don’t let this fucking guy win” competitor in the running in the final minutes. The reactions to any near-elimination of Cena would have been the biggest pops of the night.
No Seth Rollins? WTF?!? I like Dolph Ziggler enough. I don’t get all jammed up in my shorts like other fans about him but the guy is a hell of a performer and can bump big enough to make anyone look like a hoss. Ziggler entered at the #30 spot but it really should have gone to Seth Rollins. Rollins, beaten out of the title just an hour earlier, is installed into the match at the cushy #30 slot thanks to The Authority. Rollins and Reigns face off as the final two Rumble combatants and Rollins wins with a J&J Security distraction or even a Rusev screw job. Rollins walks out of Philadelphia with not ONE BUT TWO cemented opportunities at the championship against a guy with whom he’s already had beef in Lesnar. Reigns get screwed and gets the fans on his side and Rusev continues to be a monster heel. That sets up Roman Reigns and Rusev for Fastlane and…WHY DO FANS SEE THIS BUT NOT THE WWE?
Whatever. I’m just prepping for a 20 minute speech by The Authority to start Raw.
[H/T: SeScoops]