Udonis Haslem Wanted No Part Of James Harden And His Entertainment Preferences In Miami

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Long before glass backboards and three-point lines, there was Udonis Haslem.

At 127 years old, Udonis can wax poetically about the 1949 NBL merger of Sheboygan and Waterloo folding up into the BAA, a time when the league’s stars resembled chess champions and moonlighted as bootleggers for supplemental income.

For nearly two decades, Udonis Haslem has been the OG’s OG, with Heat president Pat Riley dubbing him “Mr. 305” and claiming he captivates the entire city of Miami, a franchise he’s played for since George W. began his first term.

Miami briefly dipped its toes in the James Harden sweepstakes, but quickly bowed out after realizing Houston would ransack Miami of its young stars and the clothes off its strippers backs.

Udonis, for one, was relieved.

“You can’t bring James Harden to Miami. I would’ve aged 15 years trying to be his OG.”