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THE HEADLINES

 

IT’S ALL OVER

… *clap clap clap clap clap*

The Federal Government strung up the ‘Grand Re-opening’ banner. On Friday night, President Trump signed a temporary spending bill that would keep the government’s lights on for three weeks, bringing the longest shutdown in US history to an end.

Amid mounting pressure (see: LaGuardia delays and Federal workers missing their second paycheck) Donny Politics came to an agreement with Congress to re-open the government … despite not getting funding for his border wall.

OK, so what does that mean?

The good news is that the end of the 35-day furlough means business as usual. Well, kind of. Most federal workers and contractors will get back pay “ASAP” but not all national parks and historic sites will open immediately. Sorry, card-carrying nerds.

But the Shortseller Enrichment Commission (SEC) will get back to what it does best: facilitating private company’s IPOs and minting billionaires.

But what happens after 3 weeks?

The f*ck if I know. Over the next three weeks, the government will debate border security and funding for “the wall.” If there is no agreement, The Donald can either declare a state of emergency to go all “funding secured” on the border wall, or we end up in another shutdown on February 16th and this clusterf*ck begins all over again.

 

OLEG FROM THE BLOC

On Sunday the US Treasury Department lifted sanctions on the world’s second-largest aluminum producer, Rusal, and other firms linked to Russian oligarch Oleg Deripaska. Deripaska’s personal sanctions will remain intact.

The (presumably) Adidas-tracksuit-wearing, caviar aficionado has been in Uncle Sam’s crosshairs for some time as a close confidant of noted shirtless equestrian, Vladimir Putin. The penalties aimed to punish Russia for its meddling in Crimea, its interference in US elections and for its support of Syria.

Why now?

Apparently, Oleg is on the straight and narrow. He’s reduced his direct and indirect stakes in Rusal and other companies, including En+ Group and JSC EuroSibEnergo. The reformed international man of mystery has added independent directors to his board and set in motion “unprecedented transparency” that has appeased the Treasury Department.

Precious meddle

Despite Rusal losing nearly half of its $9.2B valuation since the sanctions took effect in April, the news sent shockwaves through the global aluminum market. The price of aluminum fell more than 1.4% on the announcement.

Worldwide prices of the metal soared on news of the restrictions back in April but had fallen back to earth as rumors swirled that the ban would be lifted.

THIS IS NOT GONNA WORK

Wells Fargo is launching another marketing campaign, titled ‘This is Wells Fargo,’ in an attempt to revamp its tarnished image. According to insiders, the ‘At least we’re not Danske Bank’ campaign was a close second.

The new campaign, which will run through the fourth quarter of this year, is the second in ten months, coming on the heels of the ‘Re-established‘ re-brand, which felt entirely too soon.

The new look will focus on positive customer experience through best in class customer service and top tier technology from WF … because apparently, a commercial featuring 400 customers who lost their homes in a mortgage scandal doesn’t exactly scream “we’ve changed!”

Desperate times call for desperate measures

Not unlike Kobe changing his number from 8 to 24, Wells will change its image with a new slogan that will match the campaign title and a modified logo featuring a sleeker version of the trademark stagecoach and horses.

Aside from Photoshopping a new logo and hoping everyone forgets about 2018, Wells has made some personnel changes, adding more than ten banking heavyweights over the past two years to shake up management. Most recently, Steve Troutner from Citigroup joined the sinking ship to lead the banks US Western region, and Nyron Latif from Goldman came on to head up the wealth and investment management group.

 

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IN OTHER NEWS

• With exactly zero advisors willing to oppose MbS’ economic overhaul (see: Jamal Khashoggi) of the oil-rich country, the Saudi leader is expected to announce a massive infrastructure plan. Mohammed bin Salman plans to invest roughly $425B in infrastructure and industry, outside of black gold, through 2030.

 

• Speaking of straight shooting world leaders … Nicolas Maduro, the desperate former leader of Venezuela, (at least according to most nations) was denied a request to pull $1.2B worth of gold out of the Bank of England. Which is a damn shame because the socialist leader surely would have divided the wealth evenly thus solving Venezuela’s socio-economic woes.

 

• What’s the only job more mind-numbing than being an auditor? That’s right, being an auditor’s auditor. KPMG is in hot water (again) following a report by the Public Company Accounting Oversight Board which claims that more than half of the Big Four accountancy’s audits over the past two years had serious deficiencies.

 

• I never know what they’re doing back there. The Fed’s latest deliberation (now that raising the Federal Fund Rate is off the table)? Winding down the balance sheet … or more precisely how and when to do so.

 

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