The Water Coolest is a free daily business news and professional advice email newsletter created for weekday warriors that is delivered fresh daily at 6 AM EST. Signup here to receive The Water Coolest every weekday.

 

THE HEADLINES

 

I GOT 10 ON IT

Not to be outdone by Jay Powell sending markets tumbling, POTUS announced 10% tariffs on $300B worth of Chinese goods following failed trade talks. If nothing else, Robert Lighthizer is racking up airline miles. If all goes according to plan, the tariffs will go into effect on September 1st.

The looming taxes will hit China where it hurts … in American consumer’s pocketbook. Wait, what? Unlike the previous tariffs imposed on $250B of mostly Chinese industrial goods, these levies will focus on consumer good. Think: electronics, cellphones etc.

Yes, even iPhones would be hit.

Why?

Trade reps including Robert Lighthizer and Treasury Secretary (excuse me, they like to be called admin assistants) Steven Mnuchin traveled to China Monday to meet with Vice Premier Liu He. You might remember that heading into the meeting the US and China were in a trade war “ceasefire.”

Apparently, the meeting went about as well as breaking up with your crazy ex at the Cheesecake Factory. In his announcement of the tariffs, Trump tweeted that China has failed to increase its agricultural buying and it has not stopped the sale of fentanyl to the US.

The fallout

The Dow got pummelled following a rebound after yesterday’s Fed rate cut … erasing a 300-ish point gain. And oil got absolutely barrelled, falling 7.9% on news of the new tariffs.

 

MEAT IN THE MIDDLE

Want to hear the most 2019 thing ever? 2019’s IPO darling is a vegan food-maker. Let that sink in. Beyond Meat, not Uber or Lyft, has seen a 788% increase in share price since it went public at $25 per share this May.

But it appears that the tofu has come home to roost, as the saying goes, as BYND reported mixed quarterly results for Q2 on Monday, sending the stock down below $200. In addition to Monday’s news, the meat-alternative provider announced plans of a second stock offering. And yesterday BYND announced it plans to sell those shares at $160. For the record, shares closed at $222.13 on Monday.

The plan is for the heavyweight champ of the no-quite-meat industry to raise around $40M by selling 3.25M shares, 3M of which are coming from investors and 250k from the company itself. The funds will be used to build out its manufacturing capabilities in hopes of keeping up with the demand which rivals the discovery of avocados by middle-aged white women.

Spread love it’s the BK way

But not for BYND…

Fast food chain Burger King announced that it was partnering with Beyond’s rival, Impossible Foods, to launch an Impossible Burger at every location in America next week. Further, the meat imposter will begin competing with Beyond in stores starting in the fall.

BYND has a good head start in the non-meat department. The company boasts partners like Tim Hortons (The McDonald’s of Canada) and Dunkin’ (The Tim Hortons of Boston). And the products are legit, according to Tom from procurement.

 

EVERYTHING MUST GO

Jeff Bezos casually sold off $1.8B worth of his Amazon stock over the final three days of July. Bezos dropped more than 950k shares, at a price of around $1.9k per share. It’s Jeffery Commerce’s first sale of shares since October of last year when he parted with $33M worth.

What’s he doing?

Back in 2017, El Jefe said he’d sell about $1B worth of Amazon shares per year to help fund Blue Origin, his space exploration passion project. It could be that, or the cash could be going towards the $2B Bezos and his now-ex MacKenzie pledged to the Day One Fund, a program designed to help fight homelessness and build preschools. Whether or not the homeless will live in said preschools is TBD.

What’s MacKenzie been up to anyway?

Aside from trying to avoid Jeff in the dairy aisle at Whole Foods? Oh, you know, just officially becoming the third richest woman in the world. With the couple’s divorce finalized as of Thursday, MacKenzie Bezos now holds 4% of Amazon, worth a little more than $37B. Her reign in the top five could be short-lived, however, as Mac Daddy said in May that she plans to give half of her wealth to charity.

Upon finalization of the divorce, Jeff’s stake in the company dropped from 16% to 12%, still making him the largest shareholder. His cut is worth $110B, so it’s not like we’ll see him in one of his homeless preschools anytime soon.

---

IN OTHER NEWS

• Square is getting out of the food delivery business, selling its app Caviar to DoorDash for $410M. The part cash, part preferred stock transaction occurs just five years after Square bought the food delivery app for $90M. Not a bad ROI. It has been a busy 2019 for DoorDash, with double D raising $600M in its latest round of funding in May, pushing its valuation to $12.6B.

 

• Lowes has announced it’s eliminating thousands of jobs. How many thousands? We have no idea. The company also plans to outsource maintenance and assembly jobs to third-party companies, which it claims will allow store associates to spend more time helping the customers. As of this February, Al Borland’s favorite Friday night spot employed about 190k full time and 110k part-time workers. According to reports employees named Hal who call everyone “buddy” and know a thing or two about crabgrass are not on the chopping block.

 

• Yesterday, just one week after passing in the House, the US budget deal passed in the Senate. The bill, passing with 67 “Yays” vs. 28 “Nays,” will lift the debt ceiling for the next two years. However, instead of cutting into the US government debt, which stands at $22T and is expected to add on another T by year-end, it will increase spending by hundreds of billions and push discretionary spending to $1.37T in 2020. The bills next stop? The oval office for POTUS’ John Hancock.

 

Ready to become the most well-informed bro in any room? You can subscribe here.