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THE HEADLINES

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BAKK THAT THANG UP

The two most unlikely groups, cypherpunks, and basic white girls are rejoicing in a common cause as Starbucks, the Intercontinental Stock Exchange, Microsoft, and BCG will partner to form a joint venture called Bakkt that will allow customers to buy, sell, store, and spend cryptocurrencies.

Despite what some financial media sources reported, Starbs drinkers won’t be able to purchase their Trenta red-eye with dogecoin directly. Yet.

Consumers can, however, convert their crypto bucks to USD which can be spent on an ombre pink drink, nitro cold brew, or any of the other 420 over-priced items on Starbs’ menu.

Pending regulatory approval, Bakkt also plans to launch physically delivered bitcoin futures. This will differ from current bitcoin futures offered by CME group and cboe as hodlers of the derivative will receive actual bitcoin from settlement instead of cash.

Water Cooler Talking Point: “The price of a Starbuck’s drink is expensive enough. I can’t wait ’til the price of my nitro cold brew fluctuates from $6 USD to $20 USD while I’m standing in line.”

 

THE PRICE OF A BEER IN CHINA

Heineken is taking its chances in China, accepting a 40% stake in government-controlled China Resources Beer, the makers of Snow, allegedly the top-selling beer in the world by volume. The deal will cost Heineken $3.1B. Last year, Heineken’s market share in China, the world’s largest beer market, was only 0.5%.

As part of the deal, CR is set to take over all of Heineken’s operation rights in China for $305M, as well as a 0.9% stake in Heineken’s business with a price tag of $538M.

Between 2013 and 2017, beer consumption in the Chinese market declined 13%, which many analysts contribute to the rise of craft beer and spirits.

As with other craft markets, drinkers are skewing towards beers that scream “I drive a Prius and listen to Coldplay,” rather than mass-production brews.

Water Cooler Talking Point: “This just goes to show that no matter what corner of the earth you head to, you’ll never be able to escape craft beer douches.”

 

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IN OTHER NEWS

 

• Beijing just escalated the international trade war to DEFCON 1. China plans to impose tariffs on a majority of its US imports or roughly $60B worth of goods.
• Employers in the US added 157k jobs in July, less than the 193k expected. The consolation prize? The unemployment rate hit 3.9% … again.
• Goldman Sachs continues to shake up its depth chart. Weeks after officially naming DJ D-Sol as CEO, the bank will name Jim Esposito as its global co-head of trading. No word on if Jim is having a mid-life crisis too.
• “Hold my beer.” – Elon Musk, probably. Weeks after calling a rescue worker a pedophile, Elon Musk managed to outdo himself on Twitter, inexplicably retweeting a Hitler parody.
• Wells Fargo continues to build their case for being just small enough to fail during the next financial crisis. Their latest crime against humanity? Allowing hundreds of customers to lose their homes due to computer glitches in mortgage software.

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